"I looked at myself again as Mandy started to load the suitcase with theclothes that I was to take with me."Stephanie, Stephanie pay attention dear and stop ogling at yourself inthe mirror. Come over here."I reluctantly left the mirror and walked over to the bed."Now, the matron or more probably Sally will help you unpack at the home.There is quite a selection of clothes and a number of pairs of shoes inthe cases. If you need any more, they will take care of it. Now is yourold case still in the boot of my car?" Yes, I think so." Right, when we go downstairs, we will bring your case in here and takeout your flannel, toothbrush and any other things that you can take withyou. The rest we will leave here, is that all right?" OK, if you think that's best." Yes, we don't want your boy clothes to be seen by anyone at the home.Right, let's get going."Mandy carried the cases downstairs and I followed her out to the VauxhallViva. She opened the boot, opened my case, took out my toilet bag and. ." "...but I can't have you. I know that. But I still want this. Our mornings together mean more to me than you can imagine." I do not say the words I would have said. 'Take me. I am yours.' I've never been as weak as I was when I heard my only lover say, 'I want you'. But I know that she would blame herself for destroying what is only held together by loveless conviction, by a sense of duty without enthusiasm. Where the enthusiasm went, I cannot say. My body never did, but my heart strayed long ago. But I don't think Madeleine ever noticed. The spark went out of her eyes before it happened. For her, our spiritless marriage became a habit, like my morning cup, before I met Rose. The end of mutual joie de vivre began with a pattern of endless days of ennui. We simply stopped being interesting to each other. "I think I can imagine." "Will I still see you here? Every day?" "I'll be here. I can't imagine facing my job each day without touching your hands, seeing your smiling face,.
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